I’m Leaving Twitter

I don't give a shit about Elon Musk. He's not the reason I'm leaving Twitter fandom. For so long, I've felt like something was missing; I've been dissatisfied, bored, and disillusioned by the whole experience. I even left fandom for a long time, three years. I returned because I missed it; I missed writing fanfiction.

New Beginnings

Welcome to Xenodike.com. It’s a merger of my fandom LiveJournal, which I started in 2005, and a book blog I started here on WordPress in 2017. That’s why, despite this being my first official post here, you’ll find entries going back almost seventeen years.

Displaced and Frustrated

I've had to temporarily leave my apartment, my spacious, roomy, airy 800sqft apartment that is all mine. I moved out because the house is old, and the water damage around the shower drainage was no longer possible to ignore; it needed to be fixed.    According to my landlady's insurance company, it was an easy …

Bitching About Big Bang and Some Other Stuff

Well, I've turned in a first draft! There will be a story! A damn monster of a story, I don't know what happened, or how anyone is going to be patient enough to read all 75-80.000 (depending on how the rewrite goes) words of it... but I did it! London was good and bad, bad …

Reclaiming My Self

I'm sitting at the airport terminal in Visby ready to start my trip to London. Last time I was here was eight months ago when I in a panic was traveling up to the hospital in Stockholm where my mother laid dying. It's a strange feeling, having to continously "take back" places from my last …

Happy birthday to me

Thank you everyone for your lovely birthday wishes! I really appreciate them. Especially this year. I've kept busy since I woke up this morning, but now the cakes I've baked have been eaten, the apartment is spotless and all the guests have left. So, I'm sitting here bawling my eye's out because there's nothing more …

Taking it easy is not as easy as it sounds…

Talking it easy is exhausting! Remember how I said I was quitting my job and giving myself some time off to just try and make sense of life again, resting a bit after the hellish year I've had. It's not very soothing, which might  be because I'm not actually taking it easy. I've decided to …

Cancer

Ugh, I'm so sick of Cancer, so damn sick of it. It's just everywhere, all the time. Bowie, Rickman, MY MOM - I just want to scream. Stupid Cancer! And then I feel guilty. Guilty because I'm so sick of it and I don't want to hear about it. We just had one of those …

So Christmas happened

A big Thank You to for the lovely Christmas Card! Christmas came this year as well. It's strange how everything just continues, or of course it isn't. The world obvioulsy keeps turning even though my mother died - but to me it still feels like it should.Christmas was such an important holiday to us, and …

Handling grief – fandome style

I want to start by thanking those of you who's commented on my two previous posts about my mother I have not had it in me to reply, but I need you to know I read them all over and over and they are very much appreciated! I've been in a constant state of limbo since …

The nature of grief

So, here I am, roughly a month after the doctors told my mother she was now officially symptom free, two weeks after she died and the day before the first out of three funerals I have to get through. For those who have missed it, which is very easy to do when you look at …

Mom is Dying

My mothers lying in a hospital room, there were tumors in her brain we didn't know about. They're bleeding. She's never going to wake up again. Any minuter now she's going to die  I don't know what to do.

Symptom free

My mom is now offically declared symptom free - for now it seems that she's defied the odds and kicked some tumor ass. I'm happy, and exhusted and completly emotionally dained. It's a strange feeling though, now we have to live our life in 3 months at a time,3 months between every check-up, 3 months peace …

2015 just end already!

So started  the morning  with  an  emergancy  visit  to the  dentist  drilling  and rinsing  an extreamly  inflamed  tooth  and  the best  part  was that  because  of the  severity of the  inflammation  the anasthesia didn't take YAY!!! Good Times!!! Then  while visiting my mom who has cancer I had  to send her mother to the hospital. …

So two years…

My mom has cancer... Nice huh, it's been two years since I posted a single word here and that's what I start with. Not hi guy's how are you? How's your life, does anyone around here still remember me. No, I'll just open with: my mom has cancer. I can't help but wonder when two …

The Pope

A few thoughts... 1. Dear snow, fuck off! I'm so over you now. I mean there's been a lot of you since early November and it doesn't look like you're planning on going anywhere, instead you just keep on falling... enough already! 2. The pope has resigned *gasp* oh no however will we manage without …

Happy New Years 2013

Hi! First a late but very grateful thanks for my lovely v-pressies! It's that time of year again - yes I'm late as usual but as usual I worked like crazy all over new years eve and new year's day and beyond, this year I managed extremely well and was able to squeeze in 73 …

Freedom

Hi *waves* I'M FREE!!! No this journal is not quite dead, it's just been not so much prioritized for a long time now. Basically for a year, which is about the time I've been at, from today, my former job. My work life has been at the centre of this journal for a long time …

Tired

Hi, Ehm yeah so not really here, work is I want to say shit but it's not true it's just been difficult for too long and now I'm just exhusted and compleatly draind, can't seam to reload. So I have to fix that, I am fixing that but it's still a while before I can …

Moving Time

Hi guy's, I'm not dead, and I'm not ignoring you but almost out of the blue I've had some incredible good luck and managed to grab myself an apartment. If you knew how bad the rental market is in Stockholm you'd understand the awesomeness off the situation, let's put it like this, I've been looking …

BIG TV

I've been thinking about this for a while, or more so reflecting on it. I've never been big on movies, the only time I'm really excited has been for the LOTR movies and other BIG productions like those. But I've still enjoyed watching movies even though I've always preferred tv-shows. But movies has always been …

Five months later…

Ok, so where do you start when you've not updated for like 5 months? Let's just do cliff notes shall we. Spoilers for pretty much every show on tv under the cut So, I'm thirty I've been thirty years old for almost three months. Not really freaking out, only about certain things like still not …

No More Walks in the Rain

I can't really explain how today has felt, if you've ever had a dog in the house you'll understand. How climbing out of bed and walking towards the bathroom you suddenly come to stop right at the place where he normal would lie at that time of day and where you without really being awake …

Good by to you my trusted friend…

Zeb 13 December 1999 - 21 February 2012 Sleep well my love. This journal is now in mourning, I've just come back from the vet. It was without a doubt the right decision for him but I'm absolutely gutted. We took the decision on Friday and I've been in a haze of dread and sorrow …

2012 better late then never

I don't know how I always manage to get so behind on my posting that when I actually sit down to do it it's like trying to write a novel... so I'll just try and do it a bit at the time. So this is my new years eve post... a bit late but anyway …

Merry Christmas 2011

Hi everyone, Just dropping by to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. Those of you who've followed me for a few years know that in Sweden Christmas day is "the big day" up here in the north. I hope you all have a wonderful christmas. lots of love http://i31.photobucket.com/albums/c400/xenodike/puffblinks/xenodike-santagirl-PB.gif

Yarn Porn…

God, I can't believe the first week of November is already at its end, I'm still trying to figure out where 2010 went and now 2011 is almost over... This post will contain, rl bla, bla, bla and lot's of pretty pictures of Yarn and beads and books about yarn and beads... Well, things with …

Coming back to be…

Wow, so it's been awhile... again. But, this time it's been intentional, the last two years there's been a theme to my posts, it's either been happy Africa posts or miserable about work posts. I'm not the kind of person to complain, if I do complain you can bet that it's probably a lot worse …

Wish Me Luck

Job interview tomorrow, I think I really want this one! So damn nervous! I've forgotten how it's done... Keep your fingers crossed, whish me luck, pray, whatever just send your good vibes my way please, I'm gonna need them.

Numb

For obvious reasons today has been and is a very dark day here in Sweden. I know it's hard for most of you to understand how deeply this tragedy in Norway has affected us but what has happened in Norway is not only an attack on Norway, but on the entire Scandinavian way of life. …

Life in July

Another layout change, it's a bit dark for the season but I thought it was appropriate since July isn't only a month of summer (at least it is in Sweden) but the month of True Blood. The first and second episode hade me somewhat worried there for a moment but the last two kicked ass, …

Time For A Change

So this stared out as a comment on Jamie's I'm back post but then it came out a bit long so I 'm posting it as a short update instead. So I didn't get the group manager position which I'm frankly very happy about. I'm not ready. But I'm glad I went through the process, …

I suck!

I suck! No really I do, I'm the suckiest LJ friend ever. I'm still trying to get my act together post Africa... those of you who've been around for a while know I always kind of "sink" after my Africa vacations. Also, getting really sick on the plane home and then spending a week in …

Giraff Kisses

I got kissed by a Giraff today! A tame one in a breeding centre but still... I got kissed by a Giraff! Came back to Nairobi from a Safari in Kenya yesterday, BIG FIVE! I finaly got to see my leopard, 2 of them actually! Tomorrow I leave for Moshi Tanzania for a few day's …

The not smoking thing

So, here's the ting, I've been fine, really, really fine, with the whole not smoking thing, so good in fact that I've kind of felt a little embarrassed in front of my co workers/friends who seem to have such a struggle with quitting (which they haven't). But I'm starting to get a bit annoyed, see …

Happy New Years…

Happy New Years Everyone!!! Here in Sweden we have one hour left of 2010. I just got home from work and like always (I've noticed that all my New Years post include the lines. I'm going to work or just got home form work...) But anyway, I'm not gonna take up a lot of your …

Merry Christmas

Hi! First things first... Since I won't have time to say it in the coming day's Secondly, I'm so sorry to all those of you who are waiting for Christmas cards, for a bunch of reasons I've just haven't been able to get them out this year. I'm hoping to make it all up to …

Day 2

Day Two - So far so good Still not too bad - I mean I realize I'm going through withdrawal but the symptoms are like, I can't really explain it, but if I didn't know it's because I want to smoke I wouldn't really understand what's wrong. I feel really twitchy, I can't keep my …

It’s time… I think…

In the following days, weeks, months, (I don't know how long) potential readers of this journal are in risk of being subjected to: insane ramblings, abuse of a caps lock button, whining, crying, screaming, wallowing in self pity and other extremely annoying things. Why, I'm 28 years old and I've smoked since I was 14 …

Random Life Update

I'm not dead! No really, I'm not, just haven't been able... no, well, I'm not sure why I haven't posted. It just seems so boring to always post about the same old things, work, school friends bla, bla, bla. Really I wanted my next post to be a fic, but that's not likely to happen …

TADA!

Tada! Yes it's me. Darling Jamie asked me how I was and I started to write a reply but then it got so long I figured I might as well do a post. Exhausted and disillusioned about sums it up. Right now I'm awaiting the arrival of our new manager at work, I've meet her …

Checking In….

Can some one explain to me how a 30 second power-cut can turn into a 30hour long loss of internet? 30 HOURS... 30 HOURS!!! Hell on earth is 30 hours without a internet connection... Anyway, I hope all of you are doing good. I've just had my dad here for a four day visit... *sigh* …

What ever happende to honesty?

So, obviously my plan to be on LJ a lot has failed, mostly due to me still having to take on the role off manager while we wait on a new one. I'm really glad my boss seams to think I'm capable of handling it but it's a lot of responsibility I'm neither ready or …

A Sunday

Hi, It me, finally having the time to do an update. Well, that’s a lie, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to comment and update but I’ve been so bone tired these past weeks I can early manage to read pron. Tragic! But schools finally done for the summer, I aced all my courses, A+ all …

Whine, whine, whine…

Alright, No I have not fallen from the face of the earth nor have I abandoned LJ. The truth is I’ve been procrastinating, putting off writing this because there’s just so much crap going on I don’t even want to put it down on virtual paper. Remember how I said school was the reason I …

Life, I Guess.

Hi I’m Xenodike And it’s been a month since my last post… Ok, seriously, although I really do feel a little like I’m on forced LJ rehab, it’s not nice. I miss you all like crazy, I never really appreciated how much this place helps to keep me sane during rough or stressed out periods …

Work + school = No LJ

You know how some days you just love your work… The last three day’s haven’t been like that: in the last 72 hours I’ve been slapped, bitten, had an 83 year old woman almost rip my shirt off because she thought touching my boobs was more fun than having a shower, a cup of water …

Haiti

I just had to do a quick post about the horrible events that has affected Haiti. The news report is up to over 100.000 dead, ONE-HUNDRED THOUSAND PEOPLE!!! And that’s now, that’s not even taking into account all the people buried under buildings, all the injured that might not survive their injuries. Not to mention …

Back to school…

Hello lovelies (blech, “lovelies” I’ve been watching way too many make-up “gurus” on YouTube…) I hope all of you are doing ok, I’m pretty good; the New Year is starting out on the right track. If only the whole schedule thing at work could be resolved so I can go back to working humane hours …

New Year

New Year – New layout… well not really, but it’s been a while so I’m gonna pretend it’s new. I hope you all had a good new years eve. Mine was pretty much spent at work and didn’t really improve when I came home. My mom and her bf were having “friends” over for dinner, …